Semi-Stupid.

..they say, when you're anti-duterte, you're smart. wait, so if you're pro-duterte, you're stupid?
..uhm. alrighty then. while i do not ponder myself as totally pro-duterte, i should wholeheartedly admit that i might be an imbecile -- a medical category of individuals with an IQ of 26-50. it's down there between "idiot" (IQ 0-25) and "moron" (IQ 51-70). the term was derived from the latin word "imbecillus";, meaning weak-minded. but hey, what do i know, i'm an imbecile. :P
..sarcasm aside; as i see it, people who've been against the current administration are the same people who like to complain (and be paranoid) about anything and everything -- from their previous (or current) boss, up to Pokemon Go's "satanic" influence. moreover, another reason why some people love hating on current trends is to be "in"; to be "different". these are also the ones who embody the stereotypical "wannabe" -- people who metaphorically live in their mother's basement and have little to no self-confidence. they gain substantial tenacity by spreading animosity. and finally, there are some who hate for the sake of hating; ergo, it's their nature.
..but the biggest enemy here, my dear friends, is tradition. tradition is the enemy of change. homosexuality, atheism, a weird president, and (yet again, albeit humorously) Pokemon Go (haha).. you name it, they will hate it. unfortunately, most Pinoys love their traditions so much -- and consequently, love being stupid. apologies.
..on the brighter side, it makes riding on this green-and-blue vessel a lot more interesting. if all of us have the same ideals, same beliefs, same processes,... nothing would be interesting enough to live (and die) for.
.. TLDR? ..apparently i'm semi-stupid; but i'm proud of it. 

WhoA?

sHe... unblOcked me. O_o

haha, as if that would change anything.

thankfully i've moved on. i've been inlove with... 3? or 4 girls since we "fell apart".

sooo yeah. i added her. just now. accePt me or not, block me or don't,.. I.. don't really care.

No, seriously. Geez.

Wait for Me!

Been a LONG, LONG time since i've updated this game. I posted this recently in my Facebook account and it received positive feedback. Yey.
But i still have tons of freelance work. Tons of school related work. Tell me... when could i ever possibly resume work on you? :/

Wait for me.

Five years

Five years..

..Down the drain.

My curse lives on, apparently.

This sucks.

:'(

Less Hideous.

..sometimes i look hideous. other times i look.. less hideous.
..but most of the time? i don't even look like myself. -_-
..i mean, look at that. is that even me? it's as if my head has a built-in "random face generator". :P
..either that, or, i have various spirits possessing me at certain moments within the day--hence the "facial randomness". :))

Bittersweet.

..the thing is, you can't really stop yourself from caring for someone you love. it's not a choice -- you either care for someone or you don't. 
..it's a bittersweet moment when you care deeply even if stresses you. when you care deeply even if it hurts.
..i have not felt this for a long, long time now. i can't say i missed it; but at least now i know that i'm still human.

side note: ..now my recent posts have two views instead of one. getting a bit paranoid here. what if you already know and you're just not telling me? :/

..tsk. here it goes.

..i'm falling for you. seriously. i hate it. i really really hate it!

..and then you're telling me now that you've broken up with him?! seriously what the heck?!

..ugh, my thoughts are all over the place.can't talk about this now. -_-

..Scared.

Will you be reading this? I mean, I THINK i gave you access here once.. but i'm not sure..

Uhm, it's scary; that recently, my mood is determined by how you treat me.. or sometimes determined by what your mood is.

It's scary that my world is starting to revolve around you when i'm supposed to be out there saving the world; or, taking care of my family.

It's scary, because I can't stop thinking about you.

The scariest part of all? Is that i'm FORBIDDEN to feel this way; specifically towards YOU.

Sleep it off, JC. Sleep it off.

...But i'm scared to sleep, because i might dream of you yet again. :'(

Or older?

..turning 32 twenty days from now. do i look my age? 

Ikuzo!

..nothing much -- this is just an open "thank you note" to my sidekick/little brother/son.
..thank you, dude, because in spite of all my bullying, all my snarky remarks, and all my annoying attempts at playful banter , you stayed positive and just smile.
..thank you... because despite my negativity, my control issues, and my unpredictability, you understood and stayed.
..i marvel at your doubtless, innoccent positivity despite the fact that we're short one family member (ie your mother/my ex-wife). it even came to certain instances that you're willing to sacrifice your own happiness just so that i wouldn't be disappointed when in the first place it was me who should be doing that for you.
..so yeah, just remember, your father/big brother is a work-in-progress. i'm already 31; yet having to deal with all these grown-up responsbilities and emotions are still very alien to me. but hey, i'm getting there. and i know i'm not the best dad in the world but i'm doing everything i can to be the best dad at least just for you. i love you very much.
..ikuzo, Eidorian-kun! :D

Keep It Open

..almost 5 years ago, i founded an institution.
..an institution of actors, actresses, writers, singers, dancers.. united by a single, undying passion. this society was called "TheBox"; and true to it's name, it contained the uncontainable, and everyone expected the unexpected.
..now, 5 years later. much like Pandora's Box, inside this once-proud organization is a single ray of hope. is this is really is it?*
‪#‎keepitopen‬
*grammatical error intended

Best Birthday Ever

..it's not the cake. not the ice cream, not any of the fancy party food.
..it's the fact that as a birthday gift, AJ's mother (my ex-wife), in an extremely rare moment, decided to stay for one night here at my house just to be with our son.
..thanks, ex-wife. because of you AJ uttered these precious words:
"this is the best birthday ever! i wish it's always the 15th of March everyday."
..i got evicted and slept in the sofa, btw

Otanjobi omedeto gozaimasu, Eidorian Kun!!!

Happy 9th Birthday, Weirdo!
..nine years ago, a legend was born. (sorry, couldn't think of a better intro)
..his name is Adrian Josh -- based on my most favorite video game character (the son of Dracula, Adrian Farenheit Tepes AKA Alucard from Castlevania). "Josh", well, because why not. tongue emoticon
..he looked like a bird when he was born, honestly (haha). nevertheless, from that moment moving forward, i swore to love and protect him as my son AND as my little brother, forever.
..just a few months after, he was diagnosed with "Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum" -- a rare condition wherein his left and right brain have little or no connection at all. we got worried; of course, but having the condition proved to be beneficial because of its main advantage: high intelligence. true enough, he learned how to read by the age of two, without anyone teaching him how. gasp emoticon
..when he was around six or seven, he was diagnosed with another condition: Asperger's syndrome. you know the show "the big bang theory"? Sheldon has asperger's, too. and with asperger's comes... yep, intelligence; yet again. Bill Gates, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein... they all have the same condition. AJ rarely study his lessons; he doesn't like memorizing stuff as well (because he "absorbs" the knowledge according to him), and he's still the top student in his school.
..but we never really focused on that aspect of AJ. we just love him unconditionally -- we spoil him too much and yet he never, ever showed the "spoiled brat" persona; which makes us spoil him even more. a sweet, compassionate, and lovable kid -- and don't take my word for it; just ask around. smile emoticon
..so yeah, Eidorian Kun (we now know nihongo / japanese, btw).. Happy 9th Birthday! we can't even think of a better gift for you (because you pretty much have everything that you want), but yeah, all we can give you is our unconditional love. i will always be there for you as your big bro and your father at the same time -- to the point that i would sacrifice my own happiness (ie, a future wife) just to make you happy. we love you very much.

How many times do i have to tell you that...

..there's no.. "structured" way to be creative, girl. just be free; do what you feel like doing without anyone dictating you on how to do it...
..following a mere human being's instructions on how to be creative is kinda like someone teaching a grown up how to breathe; seriously it's in you all along! :P

Your efforts are laughable (and pitiful) at most.

..but guess what? prove me wrong. too bad you can't rub it in in my face when that happens, though (why? dunno, maybe because you've cut me off..?)

D.I.V.

...Damn, I'm Vain.

TBT

Figured out how to import posts from my other blogs; so that's  what i did. Now this blog includes posts from my two other older blogs. Strange, there's two, year-long gaps (2014 and 2011) that i didn't post anything. I wonder what i was doing back then.

Anyway, reading some of them right now. Damn, i suck at English grammar :)) ..but beyond that, i hate the fact that i'm too dramatic most of the time. >_<

Oh well, i have classes right now. Feeling uber sleepy. I'll post again soon.

Tsk.

Was browsing through my emails in Gmail when i saw your face in my chat list.

*Sigh. Yeah, you blocked me on facebook; and i was okay with that. But seeing you in Gmail? sheesh. -_-

But out of curiosity and nostalgia, i clicked on you. And our chatbox popped up.

You know what i saw? Our final conversation. And again, i felt the intensity.

But beyond that, i felt YOU. i felt ME.

I felt how genuine your feelings were, and how mine was.

No, how mine IS.

After all these months, Arthy. Whaddya know.

How long will we be like this? Forever? Can we really do it?

..... tsk. :'(

I don't know about you, but..

..blocking me makes me want to work even harder; so that when i'm finally at the top, you have to look really high up to see me. :)

Genuine Laugh

..i dont know if someone's still reading this blog; but here it goes.
..i have.. what they call.. a f*ck buddy. for quite some time now. probably.. more than three years already? but anway, she eventually fell in love me. unfortunately, i can't love her back. i don't know why.
..but anyway,that's not the issue here; actually. whenever i wanted to err.. "meet" with my FB (f*ck buddy), and she declines for some valid reason/s, ..i get mad. and i mean,really really mad. and you know what i ALWAYS do when i'm mad? i say words. HURTFUL words. it's in my nature. i've been like that since.. i can't even remember. but that was my method to get the things i wanted. and honestly? i regret saying those hurtful words after my tantrums.
..so this FB of mine, since she already fell for me, she's PATIENT. very, very patient. but these past few weeks, i went into berserk mode again.. but this time, she fought back.
..she actually wanted out. at first, her reason was because i couldn't love her back; but then apparently it was because of my constant berserk mode that put her off. she reminded me that she's human too; she's a woman... who deserves respect. and saying all those mean things to her, it hurt her A LOT.
..i apologized, and it's the very first sincere apology i ever offered her. she accepted the apology; thankfully -- but here comes the eye opener..
..we were chatting,yeah. but then i switched to another tab in my browser where a pic of my son, AJ, was posted. i saw him laughing... it's what i call a "genuine laugh" from him because he really is very happy in that picture; and seeing him that happy makes me happy as well....

...then suddenly, i remembered: whenever i get mad at AJ, i do the same thing i did to my FB: i say very, very hurtful words.

..and i realized: the reason why i feel very happy whenever i see AJ smile or laugh, is because i admire him for being patient with me all this time.. he's a KID who've been dealing with my shit FOR 8 YEARS NOW. and yet he still gets to smile and laugh and LOVE ME after all the things i've been saying to him. i cried (and im still crying) because of this realization..
..i eventually stood up and paused typing this and went to AJ's room. gave him a warm hug and a loving kiss; and said goodnight to him; but i know that it's not enough.. and it will take a lifetime to make it up to him. i'm not gonna show you this blog, dude. but i swear when the time is right very soon i'm going to talk to you and very humbly apologize to you for all the things i've said.
..and while i'm at it, i would like to apologize to my loved ones -- who left me because i was mean to them... to my ex-wife, Marilyn. to my brother, Lohne. to my ex-girlfriend, Stella. to another ex-girlfriend, Maricel. to my older sister, Candy (and thank you for accepting me back). to my dearest sister, Anna (i believe i sometimes go berserk on you as well) ...and to "her".. to "N". trust me, Arthemis, i now TRULY know how you must've felt before. even though you're ignoring me right now, i swear, I AM VERY SORRY.
..funny, it took an "FB" to realize all my faults. i mean, i already know that i've been like that before; but i think this is the very first time that i accept and truly regret it.

Networking (NOT!)

..The pic on the left was taken November 2014. The pic on the right was taken just today; in the men's room of a nearby mall (yeah, i'm camwhoring again, got a prob with that?..well, AJ does. -_- hahaha)
..The point is, in the span of just a little over a year i went from 185kilos down to 170; with highly noticeable muscle gain to boot.
..My secret? Networking! KIDDING! haHahaHaha!..... *sigh -_-
..It's motivation. Perseverance. Passion. I didn't post this to brag; i posted this to inspire.Just when you thought you've put too much effort into something and you haven't seen any results; just push a little bit more. ;)
..If only i'm THIS motivated when it comes to life AND love. -_-

"Laguna"

Take deep breaths JC.

..damn it, i hate talking to someone whom i have a crush on. :|

I blurt out random stuff! My brain shuts down and i just say anything that comes to mind -_-

I remember Laguna.. that character from Final Fantasy VIII.. i'm EXACTLY like him whenever i talk to girls.. especially when i like the girl..

Anyway, i can't believe i'm talking to her right now. As in... the conversation is ongoing.. unlike before wherein either me or she cuts the conversation off immediately. Now we're really connecting..

We're talking about dates, etc.. So she's dating.. i guess?

..I'm afraid to ask :| ..what if she has a boyfriend already? :/ ..then all these are for nothing...?

..oh well, here it goes...

[UPDATE]: Ouch.

[UPDATE2]: ...Wait, what?

[UPDATE3]: ..??????????

re: ligion (part 2)

.."oh look at me i post stuff about what's wrong with other religions! i feel so cool and intelligent and superior and awesome!" pffft. :P
..i see fellow Atheists posting hate about other religions just so they could feel superior and intelligent, having to scour for and tag other friends for support so they wouldn't feel alone in their worthless cause; but in the end it's just pathetic. is your life that boring? don't you have anything better to do? have you been raised well? did your parents provide you with enough love and attention? or you just plainly feel ugly and insecure?
..does posting hateful messages make you feel better about yourself? does ridiculing other beliefs make you feel "pogi" (handsome in english)? bullshit. :D
..why would you waste keyboard cycles, finger energy, and precious minutes just to type religious slurs instead of doing something meaningful? no amount of words would sway believers away from what they want to believe; and it's okay! if religion is the key to their happiness then so be it!
..trust me guys, i've been there. i was THAT asshole who posted shit about stuff that i used to hate. did i feel better? maybe; but did my other fellow human beings feel better? NO. while i still lack any form of belief; to be truly contented and "intelligent" (for the lack of an appropriate term) you guys should just see right through religious and racial barriers and treat each and every single human being as human beings (as was intended). OR, you could just ignore all these and resume hating -- it must be really fun hating and being hated, no?
..stop hatin', start lovin'. :)n