What he said.

Yup, what he said. :P
This also doubles as a teaser for my team's upcoming RPG. Of course, the small sprite (aka Ajador) isn't ours; but the rest of it was created by yours truly.

And on that day, maybe...

RPG Maker MV is out; I preordered and now that it's released, i haven't slept for over two days! :P

Well anyway, looky here...

It's been a long time since i created any 3d models or did 3d animations; but hey, i churned out a rigged, animate-able model in just 4 hours! 

Guess who? Well, since RPG MAker MV is out, i guess it's about time to finally finish what "we" started. It's the main character (Lohne) for Elementia Story -- DustyCat Media's upcoming RPG!

I hope someday you could stumble upon this blog and see this, Arthemis. Remember this screenshot, remember this post... for i promise to finally finish and release OUR game.

And on that day, maybe you would come back......

Push!

It's ironic that you are desperately longing for your creativity to "return"; but all you've been doing is to push it back.

You pushed "her" away.
You pushed ME away.
You kept relying on "guidelines"; but being creative is about being FREE from ANY guidelines.

Sooo yeah. Goodluck achieving the unachievable (provided that you keep doing what you're doing) :)

P.S. Yeah, i moved on; this is just some good old L'esprit de l'escalier. :)

A Robot.

Ugh.

Either i'm bipolar, or one day i suddenly woke up and i've decided that i hate her again when just a few days ago i was so sure that i wanted her back.

It's... sad. That feeling that you needed either a person or a book to guide you; to hold your hand and show you how to live your life..

That's gotta be annoying. That's gotta be limiting! I wouldn't last a day given the fact that virtually (and exaggeratedly) every single thing i do with my life should be dictated by a book; or, an author of a book (who's also only a mere human,btw)... to the point that if i was told that in order to be "happy" i shouldn't breathe for an hour everyday; or i should eat at least an ounce of human feces every week, i'd do it.

A blank slate. A dummy. Or... okay, a robot. Yep, sorry. A robot.

A robot who willingly offers itself to be programmed and re-programmed by another individual who tells it that only through putting instructions on it could make it truly happy.

The thought that i fell for a girl like that makes me cringe. I have to keep reminding myself that throughout all my adult life i tend to date girls who are wild and free - girls who wouldn't care about what others would say; girls who just "wing it" and take on challenges that life gives them head on without the need of any guide BUT HERSELF. It's not because of fate that i dated girls like them; it's because it was MY choice. MY preference. I never needed to consult someone or something for that.

And yeah, that preference is for keeps. I am looking forward to having a relatioship with another carefree girl, very soon. I wasn't looking before, but i think it's about time that i do.

I'd say, congrats -- thinking about having a relationship with someone like you is goosebumps-inducing; so you've successfully got me off your back.

I've moved on. And when i've decided on something, it's final.

Yep, it is.

Give me a sign.

I had to do it.

I admit that i became some sort of a stalker ever since we parted ways. Had to search her name in google, in facebook, and everything else in between; just to get updates from her. Thankfully i discovered that she created a new blog, and she was updating it frequently.

I was... rather happy to still be updated with what's happening to her; heck i even endured how she still post stuff that she have learned or read somewhere (and it was the opposite when we're still okay). All in all, it's as if we didn't "broke up" (for the lack of a better term).

But then, one day the blog just disappeared. I got worried, so i checked her facebook page. Yep, she's still there. And then i saw that she became friends with one of her exes.

Ouch.

I hate exes. My ex-wife, when we were just boyfriend and girlfriend and we were just starting out, she was making it obvious that she still loves her ex and i didn't confront her about it. My other ex, whom i was ready to leave my wife behind for,... she left me for an ex. And now, seeing her becoming friends with her ex again, ...i snapped.

I had to do it.

I blocked her.

It was an over-reaction, i know. But, it was kind of an impulse -- due to the trauma that exes brought a long time ago. Or maybe i was just using this alibi and i wanted to block her so that i could finally forget about her.

Did it help me in any way? NO. It made me miss her even more. :(

And i realized -- that i guess... i wasn't over her; at least not in a way that i thought i would be.

I still miss her. I miss our talks, i miss our banters, i miss her "teachings".. i miss her.

Until now i still don't understand why she had to let go of me; or maybe i just don't want to understand.

We had potential. But beyond that, we were great as friends. I think i never admitted it to her but she was my source of creative inspiration! Whenever i ran out of ideas i just talk to her, or just think of her (yes, actually) and boom. I instantly have an idea. The ideas kept pouring even more whenever i share it with her.

I miss you, Arthemis. Yes, Arthemis. the real Arthemis. My GF (Guardian Force). Adrian still longs for you. :(

If there's this slight chance that you'll be able to read this, then yeah, i hope deep down you still miss me too. I don't care about our feelings anymore (though it's a plus) ... i just.. i think...

I want you back.

I don't know when, or how, i just want you back. I feel so incomplete. Not to be overly dramatic again, but, that's just how i feel right now.

Give me a sign.